Questions that Victims of Narcissistic Personality Disorder commonly ask.

1) Are they aware of what they are doing?

Yes, every decision is made with the intention of gaining narcissistic supply.

2) Do they see what they are doing or saying is wrong?

No. Any behaviour is acceptable if it gets narcissistic supply.

3) Why don’t they care about how I feel?

Caring takes empathy and insights into the human condition and requires someone to look past themselves. Narcissists can only acknowledge their own needs. They cannot look past themselves.

4) How can they do this to me?

This is not about you. This is about the narcissist. Your needs, thoughts, feelings, wants, ambitions, dreams etc do not exist for a narcissist.

5) Can’t the narcissist see that what they are doing is wrong?

No. Any behaviour that brings narcissistic supply is acceptable behaviour.

6) How can they tell so many lies?

To a narcissist, reality is only about sourcing narcissistic supply. Telling lies creates their own reality.

7) How can the narcissist be so intolerant but expect me to tolerate their bad behaviour?

Narcissists experience a heightened sense of insult (and hurt) and will lash out with rage – thus the intolerance. They have an inflated sense of importance and superiority and expect to be treated different to others. Through devaluing, your needs are not important.

8) How can the narcissist treat me so badly when I gave them so much?

Narcissists expect and demand to be privileged. You (the non-narcissist) deserve no such privilege.

9) How can the narcissist flare up and turn on me so easily?

Narcissists are hyper-sensitive and perceive insults even when none are intended. This wounds their ‘false’ self. As the bearer of insults, you deserve to be punished, even annihilated if the perceived insult is bad enough.

10) Does a narcissist have morals?

Only when they’re linked with narcissistic supply.

11) How can someone say ‘I love you’ in one breath, then throw me away the next?

Narcissists are the Masters of Relationship Manipulation.

12) How come a narcissist cannot see that what they say or do is wrong?

Right and wrong do not matter to a narcissist. Right, or more likely, wrong only apply to others. In their own minds Narcissists never do wrong.

13) Why can’t a narcissist apologise?

See 12 above.

14) Why does a narcissist get away with such bad behaviour all the time?

Narcissists surround themselves with people who respond to (or feel good about) the narcissist’s tactics. These people gain the narcissist’s attention and thus feel special or privileged themselves. Feeling good outweighs recognition of inappropriate behaviour and thus the inappropriate behaviour gets ignored. By ignoring and not setting boundaries for the narcissist, people enable the narcissistic behaviour.

92 replies
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    Rob says:

    I spent 27 years married to a woman with NPS………. Pure hell ! Sadly, I didn’t realize how bad my life had been until I was out of the relationship……NEVER again !!

    Isilzha says:

    Email addresses used to make comments are visible in google search results. 🙁

    Ruud says:

    I’m going to dissect this list of questions and ‘answers’ cause it’s mostly a load of BS. Sorry lady, but you just copy what other people have said and spill your hate. There is not a single authentic thought in there. I’m sorry for what you have gone through, but you do not know what you are talking about.

    Hayley says:

    Trying to recover from a 10yr relationship with my ex who had not only BPD but also shows signs of NPD.
    It started with being treated like a princess, the endless trips to Paris and Mexico and some of the most romantic and expensive holidays, there were so many red flags I could kick myself I just couldn’t see it at the time but everyone else could. The money he would spend on me garden furniture, microwave and constant presents for my new home which he told me I wouldn’t be in long before we were buying a house together. Next it was New York and him looking to propose to me.
    After I started to mistrust him over things and the silent treatments would start and he would start arguments, then it was him taking me to the theatre to see my favourite show and an expensive stay in a posh London hotel..
    The gas lighting had started, I then caught him on a dating site which he denied about even when his picture was staring right at me, women’s magazines in his car and kisses on a text from random numbers on Xmas morning… I could go on why did I have to meet a man like this.
    Behind the mask he was evil his abuse friightening and always my fault, the on off relationship and still searching for answers what was wrong.. We would go only a matter of weeks then all was off again, then a holiday booked and a romantic break together, we then get home from the most passionate holiday and he drops me to the floor and says we’re not working….
    His mother I see now played a vital part giving him endless narcissistic supply and she can bring such a monster into the world and to know his kids have a physcopath for a dad..
    Then I see he has someone new…the rat I hate these people why does god let them treat us this way and keep them on this planet..
    He is still out there now and giving me grief with mental torture…god help his new victim and his poor wife Alison I feel so sorry for what you must have gone through for over 20yrs… Did he self harm when with you as well no wonder he made excuses about the constant cuts to his arms and legs.
    The positive is everyone on here has suffered but we can all get through this and get our lives back on track… They never will its a constant sick game for them how very sad that you need to hurt someone to get your fix for the day.. At least we have love and compassion they live with pure hell daily being unhappy and I actually hope what goes around comes around for all of them for the damage they have done…….

    Raina says:

    I enjoyed thi article because it is simple and straightforward and gets right to the heart of the matter. It explains the NPD experience very well and in hindsight it mirrors my experience perfectly.

    I’ve been married to my soon to be ex husband for 20 years. Looking back, I can certainly see the signs I missed but I was young, insecure and got hooked in the idealization phase. In the beggining, I was beautiful, sexy and the best thing that happened to him. After I was in love with him, suddenly all issues were my fault, I wasn’t right for him or I was too “angry”. Of course it didn’t matter what he did to make me angry or upset. He’d break up with me frequently only to come crawling back weeks later and like the young foolish girl I was, I took him back every time because I loved him. Of course I realize now, I never actually knew the real him. I thought he was immature and flaky and would grow as a man but he was hiding far more sinister aspects of his character.

    He became more arrogant and entitled as the years past. Everything was about him. Everything was my fault. He was always right and he made all the decisions. If I didn’t agree with him, I was not supporting him. He began drinking daily. It was exhausting and slowly but surely I lost myself. I became depressed, anxious and lost my joy for living. Gradually I withdrew from him. Deep down, I knew I didn’t trust him but blamed myself. Always searching for answers within myself because of course he had conditioned me perfectly to believe that everything was my fault.

    When our daughter was very young, he threated me with divorce and moved in and out of our house numerous times, stringing me along and convincing me his unhappiness was all my fault. He was not happy because of me. We were not compatible. I had to live up to his expectations and meet his needs but having any of my own was being unsupportive, not accepting or him or criticizing him unfairly. Sometimes he’d pretend to agree with my feelings and passive aggressively punish me at a later time.

    Even during marriage counselling, he maintained all marriage problems were all my fault and when the counsellor disagreed with him, he decided he didn’t like the counsellor and counselling was not helping us. It was during this time, that my anxiety issues worsened because I realize now that I realize deep down I knew I was not safe or loved. I tried many times to explain that I didn’t feel loved or respected but my feeling were discounted. He eventually came back to our marriage when I finally told him I had enough of the back and forth and we reconciled but it was never the same for me as I always felt something was off. Of course I blamed myself at the time and felt obligated to make it work for our daughter. But recently 16 years after the fact, I learned he was having an affair during this time. He blamed me for everything and the bastard was having an affair. That’s how truly selfish and emotionally bankrupt these people are.

    I always thought the depression and loss of joy during the years that followed was my fault too but after going through the details of my marriage with my therapist, I’ve seen how his put downs and blame shifting slowly but surely damaged my self esteem and destroyed my soul.

    My STBX still argues he’s a good man that simply made bad choices. His bad choices include spending 20 years telling me our relationship issues were all my fault, beating me down emotionally and then complaining I had no life. I definitely had a life but certainly lost myself as the years past and all he cared about was that I was there to meet his needs and serve his image. In an email I found later he actually called me a social liability with no life. This man emotionally abused me for years, and then blamed me for the resulting depression. It’s sick and cruel but it occurs so slowly you don’t realize it’s happening.

    And to add to the trauma, along with the first affair, I also discovered recently that my STBX been living a double life for almost our entire marriage. Numerous affairs, online hookups, one night stands on business trips, group sex, even sex with married couples. He was actually placing ads for married couples online. He claims this was all because he wasn’t getting enough attention, or I withdrew and he didn’t get enough sex or for the cheap thrill. There is always some excuse. He’s pathetic, immature and vile. And I feel horrified to have wasted the best years of my life on such a deceitful loser. These men think they are wonderful, so special to be wanted by so many women but the frightening part is that the women were ugly and unappealing to the point where friends and family have been shocked at their photos. I don’t understand the kind of woman who would think that a known cheater would be a good choice for a partner. They’re quite simply as my therapist says bottomfeeders. The desperate and needy, the personailty disordered, the addicts and the homely women with limited options. The last woman came after me with a vengeance when he discarded her after telling her he wanted to fix his marriage. She told me his cheating was all my fault because I was never enough for him. In her evil mind, because I was not right for this one man I deserved to be lied to and manipulated for 20 years. She claims he loves his kids so much so he stayed for them. I was the one who tried for years to fix us, twisted myself in knots and this woman blamed me for the abuse I suffered. It’s truly horrifying. My therapist explained this woman is mentally ill because to invalidate another person’s life and choices bevause one man decides she’s not enough for him is sick. I’m attractive and kind and have many good qualities and could have easily found another man.

    But sadly this is what he traded a lifetime of family memories and a woman with integrity and morals for — cheap meaningless affairs with desperate women. His children have no respect for him.

    Now of course he wants me, loves me oh so much and claims he never wanted a life with any of the “losers” as he refers to these women. And of course I’m suddenly the right woman for him and the one he’s wanted all along. But I realize I am of use. I’m the mother of his kids. His father is horrified at what he’s done to his family. It’s all about image. And he’s destroyed his looks with the booze and my daughter believes that since I’m more attractive than any of his affair partners, that he’d rather have me as the wife. Yet he promised his affair partner marriage but claims that was a lie to get what he wanted because he would never marry that ugly woman. At least he admits he manipulates people. I’ll give him that even though it hardly makes him self aware.

    After all these revelations, I believe be will always be looking for extra attention from anyone to fill his bottomless pit of need. I trust nothing he says anymore. His fake remorse is an act intended to keep me around as supply.

    Jennifer says:

    I was trapped for 2years with a narcisist. He treated me like garbage. I always wondered what more I could do to make him love me. But, it wasn’t me… It was him. I felt like I was constantly suffering. Depressed, not eating, barely surviving. He made me doubt myself and my worth. I’ll never allow that to happen to myself again. The truth is he’ll probably end up alone, still living in his parents home for the rest of his life. I’m stronger for the experience… And getting stronger Everyday.

    Victoria says:

    I am in the emotional process of letting go of my husband of 27 years due to what I think is NPD. Many posts refer to NPDs as having outbursts of anger, however, I never experienced anything like that what I have experienced is the never owning of his own behavior and will change his story always having the twist in it to put the cause or blame on me. Example: My sister dies, he tells me he didn’t go to the funeral because he didn’t think her death meant all that much to me. After returning from tending to my sister while she was in the hospital for two weeks, then staying almost another week to attend her funeral and then making the long 10 hour drive back home alone, my husband still wanted his hunting buddies over for four nights during deer hunting season. I told him I was not up for company. He made no moves to show up for me to cancel or make other arrangements so that I could grieve the loss of my sister in my own home privately. Feeling vulnerable and not wanting to expend energy to argue with him or turn them away at the door I got a hotel room at a pleasant resort so that I could be by myself. When I later discuss this with him he says he talked to me about them staying in a hotel room and not needing to come into the house so that I could grieve at home. There was never any such discussion. I’m not sure what kind of person I am dealing with but he is not “normal” when it comes to feelings or being there for another. He often acts likes he is such a nice guy but it is only for show and as soon as he is out of those people’s eye he turns it off like a light switch and goes back to being an emtionally dead person.

    Megan says:

    Finally something that makes sense. When I left my husband of 15 years nobody could understand. He was sweet, always doing things for people, quiet. Nobody saw the years of abuse and the damage done to me and our children. They cried when I left because I was leaving them alone with him. My only option was to walk away from every thing I had known since I was 18 or kill myself. Luckily I had been in therapy for years and got strong enough to leave at 35. I walked away with no self esteem, no self worth, no idea what i looked like, what i liked, everything had been wrapped up in this man who treated me so terribly and yet I always thought it was me…..that i needed to do better, be a better person/wife/mother.
    I struggled but I survived. Two years later I am with an amazing new man who has no signs of this insipid condition and I am slowly showing my children a new way of living. My house is peaceful and calm. I continue to recieve abuse and I try to sheild my children from his erratic and scary behaviour as much as possible while maintaining a distance from him. I was an object not a person and your article is the first time that his behaviour makes sense. I thought I was crazy! And it fits with his upbringing. Is this heriditary?

    cornellia says:

    My name is cornellia, am from UK I live in Canada, I have been married for
    over 5years and no issue(baby) to show for it, I and my husband have gone
    to different places for help for me to get pregnant, but all our efforts
    where fruitless. My husband became tired of me and started accusing me of
    the cause of our problem. I tried to make him believe that I don’t know why
    I cannot get pregnant. But as a man he pays deaf ears to my words. It came
    to a time when he gave me an ultimatum to leave his house. I became more
    crazy and restless. I search for help including where there is no help. My
    husband finally sent me packing after 5years of our marriage. when I was in
    my parents’ house I was still searching for a solution until I met an old
    school friend whom gave me the contact of this spell caster Dr odion, she
    said he saved her marriage too. I contacted him for help. He told me that
    it is never too late that I will need two spell in one. Which means an ex
    back spell and a fertility spell. He actually cast a spell for me after
    48hours of his spell; my husband came to my parents’ house looking for me.
    We got back together again. That made me so happy. Still with his fertility
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    Tom S says:

    Thank you for this article, Jeni. I too suffered greatly for being in love with someone with NPD. It broke my heart and ended with me in legal problems which thankfully were resolved in my favor. I did two tours of combat (for lack of a better term) with her. I should have given up for good the first time I broke up with her, but I loved her so much and thought I was strong enough to make it work. So I embarked on a 2nd tour with her with couple’s counseling which ended badly as I stated. It’s been 8 months and I was the one who broke up with her, but my heart is still broken. I know this article can’t help me with that but it certainly explains a lot.

    Chrischi says:

    You cannot be a victim of your choices, therefore you cannot be a victim of a narcissist. You putted yourself in that situation and a healthy person recognized a flawed person beforehand.

    Jeannie says:

    I believe my sister has NPD. She has done research on this and has decided that I am the Narc. Is this common? I read the information she sends me to ‘confront’ my lack of accepting her behavior and I think ‘how can she not see her own behavior in this’

    Michael B says:

    All I ever wanted was to be loved and have my dad be proud of me. im 52 married 29 yrs have 2 wonderful daughters and 2 grandchildren my wife and I have been blessed with. At 52 I still feel worthless like im just a piece of garbage, but then tomorrow comes.

    Rebecca says:

    Thank you for the Article. I have been trying to figure out what I did to deserve horrible treatment from my brother. I now can start to heal.

    Kate says:

    Thank you for the article. My father has NPD. My mother is unable to cope with his abuse alone, so although I am an adult, I live with her to help her through it. But I find I am unable to cope myself. He has robbed me and my brother of so much in life, and yet we find ourselves still knuckling under his tyranny.

    My question is: the only real advice I have gotten from the few people I have confided in about the situation is to change my own thinking. However, I realise this will not change the circumstances. Will changing the way I think about him and his emotionally violent ways really change anything for me? thank you in advance.

    Joyce says:

    my name is Joyce my life is full of joy because Dr sambo asked me to be happy What happened to me is not what i can keep only to myself but to also tell the world so that those that were once like me will get there love ones back and been happy once again. I and my lover had some issues which leads to our break up since after then my life has never been the same i tried all method to get him back but they were just waste of effort and waste of time. But one day during my search on the internet i came across someone testimony about Dr samba helped him to get his lover back so i contacted Dr.sambo and to my greatest surprise Dr.sambo was able to bring back my lover within 48hours. With the great thing that happened in my life i decided to tell the whole world about this great man called Dr sambo. For those in need of anything he told me that in his temple there is know impossibility now i believe him so much friends if you need help kindly contact him via And i promise you that your lover will definitely be back to you.

    Diane says:

    I am just recently divorced from an NPD man after 24 years. It’s true what has been said, NPD causes high conflict divorce. We are going on 20 months and still have multiple issues to resolve. Sadly, my ex was diagnosed about 18 years ago but the therapist who diagnosed him told me it would do no good to tell him but that I needed to educate myself (which I have over the years). I have certainly struggled with the crazymaking and tons of self-doubt. He is amazingly good at creating a good guy persona–always willing to do for neighbors but if asked to do something for me or for our family, I was being unreasonable to the extreme. Sat on the board of directors for a humanitarian organization for years–until they wouldn’t do things ‘his way’ and then he attempted to destroy them. Multiple online affairs and an assault, but all relationship problems were my fault. NPD is not necessarily easy to diagnose as the charisma often makes it difficult for professionals to see the real issues. It takes courage on the part of the partner to be persistant in describing the reality of home life. We were with our last therapist 3 1/2 years and in the middle of the divorce before she saw the real person I had been living with. She has since apologized profusely for not seeing it sooner. She now diagnoses him with megalomania in addition to NPD and delusional thinking. I do not care to be labeled a ‘victim’ so am not sure I really agree with ‘narcissistic abuse syndome’–maybe if we can reframe it as ‘survivor’ it would be healthier for those getting out of these kinds of relationships. More education is definitely needed so many thanks to Jeni for posting this information!!!!

    Lizzie says:

    On Xmas eve, I moved out of a 2 year relationship with an NPD man. I became aware that it was ‘off’ quite early on but as he was working as a human rights lawyer doing ‘good’ works, I just thought that his difficult childhood had left him with some issues he needed to work through. But I came to realise the area he worked in was a way for him to get admiration. He is now seeking a political position. God help us!

    Joni says:

    To all of those who have fallen for these predators there is HOPE! Please do not look at this like the end of your life, but the beginning of a new level of understanding of human nature – these people are everywhere, and to your advantage you now have inside knowledge and insight as to how to manage yourself around these people.

    Have faith in your Maker, that He will protect you in all of this. Do what is right and you will never be sorry.

    The best defense is to keep learning about these disorders, and feel blessed that you have this knowledge! It is not you, you are not going crazy, and you now are on to these people and the insidious evil that they create. God Bless you all! Praying for your continual renewal and recovery.

    Budd says:

    It’s been since August that I found out the horror I have known with Michele has a name and not because I am the crazy person she tried to turn me into. I love her heart and soul. She wanted to have another man along with me. That was when it went off the rails. I didn’t even know her after 18 years. We went thru the cycle from idealization to devaluation to dump at least 10 times. Friends thought I was crazy. I loved her so much I’d hope for the best. Now she has cut me out by blocking all ways to speak She went nuts when I told her she is a covert narc. She has a new sucker and is love bombing him. Poor guy. Me, I ruined. This has stolen the me in me. I don’t think I am going to make it.

    Kevin says:

    I realize that this article was printed a while back and that the comments have dropped off, but I really wanted to add to the discussion/comments.

    First, wanted to thank the author for taking the time to produce a very good piece that obviously reached a good number of people. Information on this and other, similar disorders is now becoming more visible and more robust, and it is in part because of people such as Jeni who help to shine a light on things.

    Second, to relate my own experience. I was married to someone who, at the beginning, I considered my ‘soul mate’ for 11 years. During the latter stages of our marriage, I was emotionally abused. I took it, we had two children together and I was instrumental in raising her son from her previous marriage, and I just thought I could find a way.

    She was very skilled. She had isolated me from family and friends quite effectively and over time I began to live in her reality and believe the things that she was telling me. That I WAS a bad husband, that I WAS a bad father, that I WAS deserving of this abuse. There is a saying when dealing with someone like this: “There are two realities, their reality and reality”. Sadly, for far too long, I lived in hers.

    At the end she cheated on me, left without even trying to save the marriage, and then continued to invade my life, my home, my time with my own kids. At first, all signs pointed to borderline personality disorder (BPD), and I was sure that this was indeed her issue. However, after a long time with a therapist, it has been suggested that my ex is likely more aligned with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). They are very similar disorders, and it’s not uncommon for sufferers to exhibit traits from both – and even include others such as anti-social personality disorder.

    I spent so much time with BPD that I really failed to give time to looking up NPD. Now that I am I can really see the situation differently. Unlike BPD, the NPD sufferer is much more of a bully, even more proactively manipulative, and I think even more harmful to others.

    While the realization of her personality disorder(s) have been an epiphany for me in that I can see that I was not the horribe person she made me out to be, I also still had to look to myself. What was it about ME that caused me to choose her and then to stay with her even though I KNEW I was being trampled. I have kept a journal since 2009, and I am horrified to read what I wrote back then and that it still took HER to end the marriage.

    We should all be taking self-inventory. Just as we likely all feel a sense of relief or justification upon learning the unstable nature of our loved ones, that is only half of the equation. We need to prevent ourselves from finding the same thing in the future – and sadly this cycle does repeat itself far too often. We get a sense of familiarity and comfort when we are with someone of the same ilk, and we need to be keenly aware and look for those ‘red flags’.

    I’ve come to realize how much of a ‘people-pleaser’ and fixer that I am. I am the adult child of an alcoholic and can now see that I was the perfect target for someone with BPD or NPD (or both). I’ve been walking on eggshells since I was a young boy, and so I was very adept at doing so with my abusive wife. As I now grow stronger and more aware – as I hope the rest of you all are doing too – I know that my future relationships will be better. Partly because I know better what to look for, but also because I am stronger now.

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    Patsy says:

    This is so enlightening! Thanks so much. I was in a relationship with a man for 7 years who lied, cheated, was self centered, manipulative, the world revolved around him and nothing was ever his fault (even when he cheated on me and was fired from his jobs). I didn’t realize he was the stereotypical NPD until I read this. Absolutely no empathy towards me. In fact I ended our relationship over a year ago (I tried several times before but he always charmed me back) after the passing of my ex-husband who was the father of my two daughters, 54 years old who lost his brave battle fighting cancer and we were still very close. Mr. NPD made everything more difficult for my family and he actually tried to make me feel guilty for helping my girls cope and dealing with my late husband’s estate, funeral arrangements etc, etc. It ALL MAKES SENSE TO ME NOW!! Reading everyone’s stories really helped too.

    Mom says:

    Does a person with NPD often think everyone else in the family has NPD except for him (or her)?

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    Andrea Ramsay says:

    My name is Andrea Ramsay from USA My boyfriend and I were happy as far as I could tell and I never thought that we would break up. When his cousin died in a tragic car accident he went back to Philippine for a week to be with his family. I could not go because I was in the middle of entertaining out of town clients for work. He did not seem to be upset that I could not go so I let him be. The next thing that I know, he reconnected with an old friend from high school that he had a crush on years ago and they started to have an affair! I had no clue what was going on until a month after he came back from Philippine.He proceeded to see both her and I until I caught him testing her one night. I confronted him and he told me the truth about what happened. We broke up and went our separate ways. Neither of us fought for our relationship. I was angry and decided not to be upset about it and just keep it moving. Then after about a month of not speaking to him I became sad. I wanted him to tell me that he wanted to be with me and not her. I contacted Dr.Agu for a love spell and he totally helped me! he was able to get him to miss me to where he wanted to get back together again. He had a lot of regrets and felt bad for not fighting to keep me and for cheating in general. He values our relationship so much more now and we are together now! You can also get your lover back with the help of Dr. Agu contact him through his email:

    Andrea Ramsay says:

    My name is Andrea Ramsay from USA My boyfriend and I were happy as far as I could tell and I never thought that we would break up. When his cousin died in a tragic car accident he went back to Philippine for a week to be with his family. I could not go because I was in the middle of entertaining out of town clients for work. He did not seem to be upset that I could not go so I let him be. The next thing that I know, he reconnected with an old friend from high school that he had a crush on years ago and they started to have an affair! I had no clue what was going on until a month after he came back from Philippine.He proceeded to see both her and I until I caught him testing her one night. I confronted him and he told me the truth about what happened. We broke up and went our separate ways. Neither of us fought for our relationship. I was angry and decided not to be upset about it and just keep it moving. Then after about a month of not speaking to him I became sad. I wanted him to tell me that he wanted to be with me and not her. I contacted Dr.Agu for a love spell and he totally helped me! he was able to get him to miss me to where he wanted to get back together again. He had a lot of regrets and felt bad for not fighting to keep me and for cheating in general. He values our relationship so much more now and we are together now! You can also get your lover back with the help of Dr. Agu contact him through his email:

    Usamah Sattar says:

    I had already tried 11 different online spell caster’s services, but all the casters I met were jerks and scams. Then my Walter told me about a spell caster. I wasn’t sure anything would come out of it, but I thought, why not take a chance? I cast a Love Spell, and the next three a gorgeous guy came up to me at a club and asked me to dance. He is caring, kind, romantic – everything I always wanted. We’ve been together for six After being in relationship with her for 8 years, she left me, i did everything possible to bring her back but all was in vain. I want her back because of the love I have for her, I begged her with everything i could, I tried to entice her with money, made promises but she refused. I explained my problem to Dr. Osin online and he suggested that I should rather email a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring her back but I am the type that never believe in spell. I taught about it severally and I had no choice than to try it, I emailed the spell caster, he told me there was no problem that everything will be fine before 3 days that my ex will return to me before four days. He cast the spell and surprisingly on the third day, that was at about 20:00pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all she said was that she is so sorry for everything that happened, that she wanted to return to me, that she love me so much. I was so happy and told her to come, she came to me the following day and we started living together again. Since then I have made a promise that everybody will never have a relationship problem that I will direct them to the spell caster to help them. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is you can email him if you need his assistance.

    Brandi says:

    So my sister has never been diagnosed with NPD, but she in fact a Narcissist. My entire life I always thought that was just her personality. Always having to be center of attention, always speaking for me since the day I can remember. I am now 24, and my sister will be 26 soon. My sister and I have always been close, but something Marjor happened and we no longer speak nearly as much as we used to. I came to notice many many things with her that just weren’t right. I now have done so much research about Narcissism after my father in law actually mentioned it to me. I was completely blinded all these years about who she really was. She is the most selfish person I have ever me. She has only cared about herselff. Always center of attention, always getting her way. She would try holding MY boyfriends hands as we walked down the hall during high school, not only that but when he didn’t let her hold his hand she lost it and ever since hated him. She started out liking my fiancé, but then when he told her off one time, she hates him and always tells me how I can do better. Which he’s the most amazing guy I’ve ever met. It just shows that if you don’t have the right personality , a narcissistic person wants nothing to do with you, because in a way she couldn’t get him under her “spell”. He was an unlikely candidate for her since he was not going to be susceptible to her “narcissism supply” or whatever. My whole life she always told me how fat I was and ugly (I am average for a woman my age,). Always told me how my teeth are tiny and look like corn kernels, that my mouth is small, my face is so round, my ears are huge, my legs are the same all the way down from hip to toe. She doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings. My niece is who is now four, is such an amazing little girl. We were in the car on day and it was summer time, instead of rolling up the damn window and turn on the air so that my nieces’ face wasn’t dripping with sweat, she left the windows down so she could blast her music as loud as it can go. I even said WTf she has sweat on her nose and forehead, my sister did not care, it did not phase her. I have gone through quite a bit in my life. Losing my mom at the age of 17, not knowing my father, and then losing my grandma and grandpa. I have “major depression” which I take medication for. I can’t even talk about my depression or anything about me for a matter of fact because “nothing compares ” to her problems. No matter what if I start talking about myself, it somehow always gets turned around so we are talking about her again. This whole time I have been depressed I just figured it was from my family passing, which it partly probably is, but I am mostly suffering at the hands of my own sister, and she doesn’t even see it. She can be so cruel then the next day text me acting as if nothing happened. Which I have learned just not to reply anymore. I have come to the realization that I need to get better and the only way is to cut her out, maybe not forever but for some time. Don’t be fooled, giving the N “time and space” does Not change them. I didn’t talk to my sister for over a year. And when we did finally start talking it was still always about her. On my 21st birthday my sister and I went out to the bars and I got a little wasted of course, it was my 21st after all. Well anyways we came back to the hotel and I was just cryin and crying (when I drink I tend to get pretty emotional) lol and I was crying and asking my sister “why did u leave me at the bar and go talk to guys that u said u hated” well she got pissed saying “omg shut it I didn’t leave you” and blah blah , well she ended up beating me up.. A couple blows to the face and she must have thought that would shut me up, but it didn’t. I continued to cry and she continued to hit me. I felt like a punching bag, I called up my fiancé who was an hour and a half away, sleepin since it was now about 130am and he had to work in the morning. He is a god send and came to pick me up, we left my car there and went and got it the next morning. I should have realized then that that was not normal behavior , especially to your sister who is so close to you. I just felt horrible. I have a swollen cheek and little black eye and my face still has some tenderness in that spot. Still to this day she admits I was in the wrong and I shouldn’t have been crying. How could someone be so cold? How could anyone do this to someone they care for and love? I brushed it off thinking maybe I was being annoying, but I now know that I did not deserve that kind of treatment and I hate my sister for it. My sister always had to literally walk in front of someone . She could never walk next to me, always had to be in the front. Just for once can she just sit back and let someone else have all the glory? No way! Another thing is, that she smokes marijuana (along with other drugs I am sure) and she bitches and moans about how she has a U.a. And she’s gonna fail (she’s on probation) so she gets random urinary analyses. I told her “why are you smoking! You are risking getting your daughter taken away every day yet you still do it, and don’t try come up with a excuse because there is not one” she replied” um there’s not a good excuse!?, what about YOU, YOU smoke when it is supposed to be used for ppl who are ill” instead of talking about getting better for her daughter and how it is wrong and she shouldn’t be doing it, she managed to turn it around on me. And yes I do smoke once in a while. But i have two jobs, a new house a new car, I’m engaged and very happy with my priorities, so yes I like to enjoy some fun once in a while like everyone else. She has way more problems and issues to deal with yet she turns around and puts me down. These people will ruin you, I am planning on going to therapy because of this. I suggest talking to someone, you could suffer from Narcissism Victim Syndrome.

    Tony says:

    Hmm. Yes, yes and yes. Still trying to recover from a 17 year relationship which was destructive. All the postings above make sense now. The irony is that my ex-wife dragged me to a counsellor to deal with my over-critical personality caused allegedly by my mother’s “madness”. She stormed out after two sessions because she felt that she was being criticised (as they do) and ended the marriage. It took the Counsellor a while to work through some of my ex’s “realities”, and we have concluded that both my mother and my ex suffer from NPD!

    lee lee says:

    Really sad that so many people have been badly effected by narcissistic people. I recently got bashed around the head from my mother who has this kind of personality. Could say she knocked some sense into me. Lucky I didnt hit back or the whole family (who she has total control) would have blamed me. So I have found my sense of worth. She will no longer have audience from me. It amazes me how she has to be centre of attention at family get togethers. Who she lies n manipulates. Im very sad and angry. Bit scared too. Sad for her. Happy I will not be her victim ever again.

    LT says:

    I have a major issue with my sister in law she’s never been diagnosed but I’m pretty sure she has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She is just evil. We live in a small town and not many places to get married and because i chose the place she wanted to do her ceremony she lost it and has been going out of her way to make my life miserable. She has our friends picking sides my brother wants nothing to do with the whole situation. I’m getting to the point where i can’t walk away anymore but i don’t want to lose it on her and then never see my niece and nephew or brother again. it’s so hard help me please !!!

    Cat says:

    Hi, I’m wondering if someone could help me .. So I had been in a relationship for about 2 years with someone diagnosed with NPD. We broke up 3 months ago and now he wants me back. During these 3 months I realised all the things he had done wrong to me and he also told me about the NPD. The thing is, now he says he has changed and he says he can controll all these things for me, that he just wants me back and that his love is stronger than this NPD… Is this just a manipulation trick or should I believe him?

    Ally says:

    I agree and sympathise along so many of you. i have just left my man for being the most narcissistict, self serving, philandering,
    lying, manipulative jerk off I’ve ever met. he is also charismatic, smart, talented, charming and will tell you everything you want to hear. don’t dare challenge his behaviours though or be prepared to be punished. they are always blameless and accountable for nothing. i am proud of myself for being one of few people who have had the courage to stand up to him and shatter his fantasies and call him for being the pathological liar he is. you may need to heal a broken heart but your head will feel much clearer the second
    you cut all ties. take your power back!!!!

    Feeling Down says:

    Oh and I did request him to go to counseling, but he refused and said everything is my fault. I terminated our lease and he has 3 kids so I feel horrible guilt for not staying. I just couldn’t deal with the put downs any longer especially in front of the kids. There is no mother at all and I feel responsible! I am a fixer and nurturer so I have difficulty letting it go. Wish I could have made him at least try to get help

    Feeling Down says:

    Thank you for your insight. I just left a relationship with a man who I now understand has this disorder. I had suspected it, but unfortunately it became worse. I am a little distraught about it still. I kept trying to make him see that he was hurting my feelings, but it was constantly about his needs, his wants and what I was not doing right. I was degraded and belittled often and there was attempts to control me. I just didn’t see it or didn’t want to. I have known him for many years and he has been traumatized by life experiences. I attempted to help him through his trauma but found myself going from a fun outgoing person to becoming a victim and feeling small. Well, time for me to go to therapy again and get my self confidence back.

    Again thank you for your article. It’s just confirmation.

    Daniece says:

    To Eoughisenough

    I feel so sorry for you. As my father displays the same characteristics of your mother in law. And yes everyone thinks that they are such pleasant people. Except when it comes to family. We are the target of their rages and misbehaviour, as I always say it happens behind closed doors. Good Luck

    Daniece says:

    This site has been wonderfully helpful. But my problem has been with my father. He is now 93. He has always been a bully I thought. Mum left him when she was pregnant with me because of his behaviour. He remarried a lovely woman. Then told me he married her because she could not have children and no one else would want her. She went mad in the end. The next woman he lived with for the past 8 years she went mad as well. I have been seeing a psychologist for the past 18 months and he has informed that from all of our conversation that my father has narcissistic personality disorder. All makes sense, when I started researching this disorder. I am trying to keep some sort of relationship going as let’s face it my father is at the end of his life. But god it’s draining. I always have to remember to praise, admire, tell him how wonderful he is. Re-enforce his superiority . But he still goes into rages if anyone makes some silly comment. Problem being, he won’t confront them. He stores his anger towards me! I do not know how to cope with him anymore. I am getting very tired and am an emotional wreck sometimes from this constant bullying. Has anyone got any ideas how to help me and my father?

  39. Jeni Mawter says:

    Liz, congratulations on taking a stand and getting on with your life!

    You could have written the post for today on The Sibling Narcissist.

    Warm wishes,


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