1) Are they aware of what they are doing?
Yes, every decision is made with the intention of gaining narcissistic supply.
2) Do they see what they are doing or saying is wrong?
No. Any behaviour is acceptable if it gets narcissistic supply.
3) Why don’t they care about how I feel?
Caring takes empathy and insights into the human condition and requires someone to look past themselves. Narcissists can only acknowledge their own needs. They cannot look past themselves.
4) How can they do this to me?
This is not about you. This is about the narcissist. Your needs, thoughts, feelings, wants, ambitions, dreams etc do not exist for a narcissist.
5) Can’t the narcissist see that what they are doing is wrong?
No. Any behaviour that brings narcissistic supply is acceptable behaviour.
6) How can they tell so many lies?
To a narcissist, reality is only about sourcing narcissistic supply. Telling lies creates their own reality.
7) How can the narcissist be so intolerant but expect me to tolerate their bad behaviour?
Narcissists experience a heightened sense of insult (and hurt) and will lash out with rage – thus the intolerance. They have an inflated sense of importance and superiority and expect to be treated different to others. Through devaluing, your needs are not important.
8) How can the narcissist treat me so badly when I gave them so much?
Narcissists expect and demand to be privileged. You (the non-narcissist) deserve no such privilege.
9) How can the narcissist flare up and turn on me so easily?
Narcissists are hyper-sensitive and perceive insults even when none are intended. This wounds their ‘false’ self. As the bearer of insults, you deserve to be punished, even annihilated if the perceived insult is bad enough.
10) Does a narcissist have morals?
Only when they’re linked with narcissistic supply.
11) How can someone say ‘I love you’ in one breath, then throw me away the next?
Narcissists are the Masters of Relationship Manipulation.
12) How come a narcissist cannot see that what they say or do is wrong?
Right and wrong do not matter to a narcissist. Right, or more likely, wrong only apply to others. In their own minds Narcissists never do wrong.
13) Why can’t a narcissist apologise?
See 12 above.
14) Why does a narcissist get away with such bad behaviour all the time?
Narcissists surround themselves with people who respond to (or feel good about) the narcissist’s tactics. These people gain the narcissist’s attention and thus feel special or privileged themselves. Feeling good outweighs recognition of inappropriate behaviour and thus the inappropriate behaviour gets ignored. By ignoring and not setting boundaries for the narcissist, people enable the narcissistic behaviour.