Here is an assortment of everything Gross. From poems to recipes to plays, there's something for everyone.
1) A Play for Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches
Setting:
A forest floor – anywhere, anytime.
This play is written for performance in any classroom or available Opera House.
Cast:
This is a large cast play requiring adventurous school students under twelve years of age.
Brutus: extra large male Madagascar hissing cockroach
Caesar: extra large male Madagascar hissing cockroach
Chorus: Male Madagascar hissing cockroaches – arms outstretched above the head to act as ‘horns'
Group: Female Madagascar hissing cockroaches – arms above head, elbows bent to resemble ‘bumps'
The female Madagascar hissing cockroaches have gathered. They are scurrying around and looking for food. One or two carry their live young on their backs. Brutus scuttles up to one of the females and bows.
Brutus: Hith, hith-th-th-th (seductively)?
The female doesn't answer but darts back to the others. Brutus follows, waving his ‘horns' about.
Brutus: Hith, hith-th. Hith (more urgently).
The female ignores him.
Suddenly Caesar bolts over and rams Brutus with his ‘horns'. The other males gather round but don't actually join in the fight.
Chorus: Hiss ‘iss. Hiss ‘iss. Hiss ‘iss. Hiss ‘iss. (To be chanted along the lines of beat ‘im, bash ‘im, kick ‘im, scratch ‘im)
Caesar: Hiss - hiss, hiss, hiss.
Brutus: Hith?
Caesar pushes Brutus in the abdomen with his horns.
Caesar: Hith? Hss, hssst!
Brutus: H-h-h-h-ith!
Brutus lunges for Caesar. Caesar sidesteps and scampers behind the group of female Madagascar hissing cockroaches.
Females dart in all directions, obviously upset by this disturbance.
Females: Hhhiissssssssss!
Females leave the stage. Brutus makes a dash for Caesar and towers above him.
Chorus: Hiss ‘iss, Hiss ‘iss, Hiss ‘iss, Hiss ‘iss.
Caesar: Hi-ss (fading).
Caesar cowers and lowers his horns to the ground. He rolls onto his back with his legs kicking in the air. Brutus holds his fingers (alias hairs) in a V for victory and places one leg on Caesar' stomach.
Brutus: Hith-th-th!!!!
The End
2) Poem - Dad Did a Whoopsie
Dad did a whoopsie
Mum hit the floor,
'Oi!' yelled us kids
'Shut the bathroom door.'
'Oops,' called Dad.
'Who shot the bunny?'
None of us could speak.
This wasn't funny.
Dad did a whoopsie
and all the windows shattered.
The doors flew open.
The hand basin splattered
The roof blew off.
Birds fell from the sky.
All around the neighbourhood
trees started to die.
Dad did a whoopsie.
The walls fell down.
People passed out
all over town.
Dad did another
and it was not alone.
And that was the end
of our happy little home.
3) MacSlugs Restaurant
… More slime for your dime!
Breakfast
Slugs ‘n eggs
Slug Fritters
Cinnamon Slugs on Toast
Pancakes with Slug Syrup
Creamy Curried Slugs
Baked Bean and Slug Sausages
Scones with Slug Jam
Lunch
Slugburgers
Satay Slugs
Hot Slug Dogs
Slugs 'n Mash
Bar-be-qued Slug with Plum Sauce
Slug and Vegetable Stir Fry
Fillet of Slug
Desserts
Deep-fried Slugs with Ice cream
Slug Flummery
Chocolate Slug Crackles
Slug Crumble with Custard
Mousse à la Slug
Slugs in Green Jelly
Drinks
Sluggacino
Slugshakes
Slug Punch
Fizzy Slug Spider
Hot Slug Sundae
Strawberry Slug Punch
4) Memo
Attention: Louie Longbottom
C.C. Betty Bumstead
Francis Titterton
Joyce Titmarsh
Joseph Balls
Chris Cockbyrne
Due to concerns about the misuse of the internet Net Nanny is to be installed. All difficulties to be reported to management.
5) Make Your Own Slime
Ingredients:
1 cup of cornflour
½ cup of water
green food colouring
Note:
This is very messy to make. The use of furniture coverings, rain-hats, goggles and protective clothing is strongly advised.
Place the cornflour into a bowl.
Add several drops of food colouring.
SLOWLY add a few drops of water and using your hands mix it into the powder. Mix only a few drops of water at a time to get the right consistency. The right consistency is when the powder is completely wet and your fingers ‘sink' into the slime.
Caution:
Do not let the slime escape from the bowl. Under no circumstances should you try to punch it!
6) Onomatopoeia
This is a very long word to describe words that imitate sounds eg hiss or buzz. How many different ways can you write the sound for flatulence? Here are some examples:
- Psssht
- Pffft
- Pfff pffft
- Fwwt
- Put-put-put
- Pwwwbbbb
- Flubba-flub
Write a story about a school assembly using at least six of these.
7) What about this one at the school swimming carnival?
The Diarrhoea Song
Wake up in the morning
Put feet on the floor
Do the 50 metre dash to the bathroom door
Diarrhoea, diarrhoea!
When you're sliding into first
And you feel something burst
Diarrhoea, diarrhoea!
When you're sliding into third
And you lay a juicy turd
Diarrhoea, diarrhoea!
When you're sliding into home
And you feel some thing foam
Diarrhoea, diarrhoea!
8) Make your own boogie collection
Using green playdough, create your own boogie collection in imaginative shapes and sizes.
Playdough Recipe:
1 cup (250 ml) of plain flour
½ cup (125 ml)
2 teaspoons (10 ml) of cream of tartar
1 cup (250 ml) of water
A few drops of green food colouring
2 teaspoons of vegetable oil
Ask an adult to do the following:
In a large pan heat the vegetable oil. Add all the other ingredients and mix well. Cook for three minutes, stirring constantly. Let the play dough cool. This recipe will store well in a plastic container in the fridge.
Now who can make the best monkey head?
The winners get a jar of capers.
Now, what do they remind you of?
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