April 24th, 2013 — bullying, Dealing, Dealing with Anger and Fear, Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD, Relationship Abuse, Victim of NPD, Victims of Narcissism
1) Are they aware of what they are doing?
Yes, every decision is made with the intention of gaining narcissistic supply.
2) Do they see what they are doing or saying is wrong?
No. Any behaviour is acceptable if it gets narcissistic supply.
3) Why don’t they care about how I feel?
Caring takes empathy and insights into the human condition and requires someone to look past themselves. Narcissists can only acknowledge their own needs. They cannot look past themselves.
4) How can they do this to me?
This is not about you. This is about the narcissist. Your needs, thoughts, feelings, wants, ambitions, dreams etc do not exist for a narcissist.
5) Can’t the narcissist see that what they are doing is wrong?
No. Any behaviour that brings narcissistic supply is acceptable behaviour.
6) How can they tell so many lies?
To a narcissist, reality is only about sourcing narcissistic supply. Telling lies creates their own reality.
7) How can the narcissist be so intolerant but expect me to tolerate their bad behaviour?
Narcissists experience a heightened sense of insult (and hurt) and will lash out with rage – thus the intolerance. They have an inflated sense of importance and superiority and expect to be treated different to others. Through devaluing, your needs are not important.
8) How can the narcissist treat me so badly when I gave them so much?
Narcissists expect and demand to be privileged. You (the non-narcissist) deserve no such privilege.
9) How can the narcissist flare up and turn on me so easily?
Narcissists are hyper-sensitive and perceive insults even when none are intended. This wounds their ‘false’ self. As the bearer of insults, you deserve to be punished, even annihilated if the perceived insult is bad enough.
10) Does a narcissist have morals?
Only when they’re linked with narcissistic supply.
11) How can someone say ‘I love you’ in one breath, then throw me away the next?
Narcissists are the Masters of Relationship Manipulation.
12) How come a narcissist cannot see that what they say or do is wrong?
Right and wrong do not matter to a narcissist. Right, or more likely, wrong only apply to others. In their own minds Narcissists never do wrong.
13) Why can’t a narcissist apologise?
See 12 above.
14) Why does a narcissist get away with such bad behaviour all the time?
Narcissists surround themselves with people who respond to (or feel good about) the narcissist’s tactics. These people gain the narcissist’s attention and thus feel special or privileged themselves. Feeling good outweighs recognition of inappropriate behaviour and thus the inappropriate behaviour gets ignored. By ignoring and not setting boundaries for the narcissist, people enable the narcissistic behaviour.
April 16th, 2013 — multi-platform storytelling, transmedia, transmedia storytelling, YA, YA Transmedia, young adult
February 8th, 2013 — Dealing, Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder
January 24th, 2013 — bullying, Dealing, Dealing with Anger and Fear, Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD, Pinterest
I have been receiving lots of emails from people all around the world regarding my posts on ‘How to Deal with Narcissistic Rage’ and ‘Narcissistic Victim Syndrome’ which have made me realise the enormous interest in this disorder. For those who’d like more, I’m directing you to two Pinterest boards that you also find helpful:
Please share my posts or boards with anyone you may feel will benefit from them.
Happy and a Peaceful 2013!
December 19th, 2012 — apps, Books, children's apps, Digital, digital media, education apps, News, Publishing Tips, The Publishing Industry, Writing, Writing in the 21st Century
The Next Big Thing
The Next Big Thing is a chain of linked blogs, which is going viral. It includes some interesting Australian contributors talking about their forthcoming projects, while answering the same interview questions. Their responses link back to those who invited them and go live on specific dates a week later. Then each uses their social media connections and tweet or Facebook the others’ work.
The Next Big Thing is an innovative way of drawing attention to new books and associated media.
1) What is the working title of your next book?
I’ve got 3 interactive apps being produced in 2013 with developers, Flying Books (Israel). The titles are:
A Rainbow Surprise
A Race Against Time
2) Where did the idea come from for the book?
These are education apps for littlies ages 2 – 5 years. I heard via Karen Robertson (digital children’s author) that Flying Books were looking for writers, so I approached them.
3) What genre does your book fall under?
Interactive education storytelling.
4) What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?
There are far too many characters in these apps to choose from, ranging from a robot, to children, to a rocket!
5) What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
These are education apps that use an interactive story to explain the concepts of colours, shapes, and reading time to children 2 – 5 years.
6) Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
The Publisher, or Developer, is Flying Books (Israel). www.flyingbooks.me
Description ‘Great Books for Great Kids!’
QR Scan: http://bit.ly/flyingbooks.qrcode
7) How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?
Writing for interaction in education apps has been a steep learning curve for me. I have had to learn to write for animation, songs, sound effects, and child involvement using interactive activities as well as hand movements such as dragging, dropping, sliding etc. Fortunately, the manuscripts for these apps were written as part of my May Gibbs Fellowship, where I was able to spend one month full-time in Adelaide dedicated to writing.
8) What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
There are many education apps in the market, however Flying Books are taking a new approach of using ‘Story’ to drive all their education apps. As a children’s storyteller, this is where I came in.
9) Who or what inspired you to write this book?
I am a futurist when it comes to storytelling and have already published an interactive multiplatform novel this year, Kiss Kill (Really Blue Books 2012). Writing apps is a natural progression to my career in the digital story world.
10) What else about the book might pique the reader’s interest?
As well as a great story to read, children can learn by singing along with songs, recording themselves reading, listening to reading, interacting with the story to drive the narrative and watching the reading come to life with animation and sound effects.
The wonderful children’s authors I’d like to promote include the following:
December 6th, 2012 — News
December 4th, 2012 — Digital, digital media, Events, Film 3.0, future of story. future of books, News, Screen Australia, The Publishing Industry, transmedia, Writing in the 21st Century
Film 3.0 Making Multi-Platform Movies Sydney 3-12-2012
Film Australia and Story Labs
Yesterday I attended a fantastic one-day event on creating multi-platform content, transmedia storytelling and cross-media productions. Speakers came from far and near and all had some fascinating information to share, so here is my effort to pass on their wisdom and insights.
1) Gary Hayes www.personalizemedia.com
Making Multi-platform Movies
Films must combine with mobile and social media using the internet, gaming, and social media platforms to create integrated storytelling. Although complex, expensive, and consuming many work hours the aim of multiplatform storytellers should be to be to use gaming and social media to draw audiences in to an extended fictitious story world with the aim of sharing with others (and hopefully go viral).
2) Lance Weiler www.lanceweiler.com
Igniting the Imaginations of Many
Story is the same, it’s the telling of the story that is changing, so that today’s stories are thrilling, emotionally charged and immersive. Stories today have VALUE. They can be seen as a utility (entertainment + purpose) in a world which can be viewed as an attention economy where audience time demands can influence return visits. Stories challenge the emotional landscape for the audience so that they CARE as well as have FUN (social and participatory). The aim is for a story to go Hyperlocal as well as Global.
Story = Social + Connected + Personalised + Pervasive
3) Brian Cain www.brincaincreativedirector.com
Story as Marketing, Promotion as Narrative
You must have a business model/goal as the foundation of your multi-platform storytelling. BUT, the story is more important than the technology and for the audience to engage, speak to their Ego.
4) Gunther Sonnenfeld www.headable.com
Audience Intelligence Storytelling
Data + Storytelling are the ultimate for creation.
Data are the What?
Stories are the Why?
Data + Story = Context
Context drives all business investment decisions. The audience are part of the context in that they build conversations with each other, thus becoming partners in the storytelling process.
5) Laurel Papworth www.laurelpapworth.com
Managing Movie Communities
You must leave a digital trail. To do this, stories must be embeddable, distributable, sharable, discoverable, forward-able, and findable.
In Australia today 26% of people are reading, creating and uploading content. Building online communities is crucial for a story teller for an audience in terms of finding, filtering and forwarding information. In this way you create and can identify Story Influencers who will create a riplle effect for your story.
6) Matt Costello www.matcostello.com
The Game in Movies
Creators must think of story challenges as story puzzles. Puzzles are the foundation of story.
7) Brian Seth Hurst www.oppmanagement.com/wordpress1
Story-centred Participatory Audiences
“If you can create a great mythology, the story can go on forever.”
The canon of story is to provide opportunities for audience participation so that it is uniquely meaningful to them.
Story entry points for an audience include: multi-platforms, anchor platform, participation gateway, story and brand extension, and fan ownership.
Storytelling today involves: storyteller; business person; technologist; entrepreneur, marketer; game designer; social media manager and; brand manager.
8) Nathan Mayfield www.hoodlum.com.au
A Tale of Two Campaigns
Art and Technology are symbiotic. Multiplatform story extensions can be found at the interactive, personal, social and mobile levels.
As well as the story, storytellers must look at content, client, platforms and audience.
Creators must realise that everything they make is a Franchise.
Take note of the questions your audience are asking!
9) Ester Harding
Surfing the Multi-Platform Tsunami
Sought NSW DMI Funding (Digital Media Initiative)
Multiplatform storytelling and marketing are one and the same.
10) Mike Cowap and Alex Sangston
Money for Something
Investment Manager for Screen Australia
Screen Australia only funds film initiatives. It does NOT fund games.
October 22nd, 2012 — bullying, Dealing, emotional abuse, Fear, Narcissism, Narcissistic Victim Syndrome, NPD, Realtionship abuse, recognising emotional abuse, Stockholm Syndrome, surviving emotional abuse, Surviving the NPD, What is abuse?
A person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) displays patterns of deviant behaviour that can create carnage for those around them (spouse, children, parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, peers, etc). Narcissistic Victim Abuse is abuse that has been caused by someone with this personality disorder. The NPD is not often medically diagnosed, so that the narcissistic individual goes undetected in society (home, work-place, organizations, social settings) and the victim’s plight unrecognised.
A person with NPD has an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for attention and admiration, and a strong sense of entitlement. They believe they are superior and have little regard for the feelings of others. As a child, a healthy self-esteem (true self) did not develop in the narcissist so they built up defences to create a ‘false self’ in public. This is akin to wearing a public mask. Wearing the mask is not only emotionally exhausting, it also means that the narcissist is constantly on guard at being found out. They become overly sensitive to narcissistic injury which is any perceived threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist’s self-esteem or self-worth. In order to maintain their illusion and protect their ‘false self’ they seek narcissistic supply from unsuspecting victims.
The narcissist views people as objects which can feed their needs (known as ‘sources of narcissistic supply’). The narcissist will use any tactic, without guilt, empathy or conscience, to make sure they get their narcissistic supply and their needs are met. Narcissistic supply comes from public attention such as fame, celebrity, notoriety, or infamy or private attention such as admiration, flattery, acclaim, fear, or even repulsion. Regular bearers of narcissistic supply include the spouse, children, friends, colleagues, partners and clients. Anything that acts as a status symbol that attracts attention and admiration for the narcissist is narcissistic supply, for example, a flashy car, expensive property, designer clothes, being a member of a church, cult, club, or a business.
With an inflated sense of their own superiority, power and control, the narcissist renders themselves susceptible to all sorts of obsessions, compulsions, and addictions, for example, addiction to: narcissistic supply, grandiosity, control, power, rage, perfectionism, attention, fame etc. The devastating impact of these addictions on their significant others can result in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. Most victims present with no idea about what has happened to them.
Narcissistic abuse is insidious because the abuse is covert, cunning and indirect. Narcissists go to great pains to avoid being observed publicly as being abusive. The Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde behaviour creates fear, distress, confusion, inner turmoil, and chaos for the victim. The constant ‘walking on eggshells’ and attempting to avoid further conflict can be crippling. To complicate matters a narcissist is rarely medically diagnosed and often goes undetected in society (home, work, organisations, and social settings).
For whatever the reason the victim entered the Dance of the Narcissist (a behaviour known as Co-Dependency) so that in the dance there was both: 1) a pleaser/fixer (victim) and; 2) a taker/controller (narcissist/addict).
Victims present when they feel like they can’t cope. They are unaware that they have been living or working in a war zone. No-one has mentioned Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or narcissistic abuse to them. Victims of this narcissistic abuse often display a set, or cluster, of symptoms due to this physical, mental, emotional or spiritual abuse. In Narcissistic Victim Syndrome you are looking for a cluster of symptoms to emerge, many are the symptoms of trauma (avoidance behaviour, loss of interest, feeling detached, sense of a limited future, sleeping or eating difficulties, irritability, hyper-vigilance, easily startled, flashbacks, hopelessness, psychosomatic illnesses, self-harming, thoughts of suicide etc). Narcissistic abuse victims express feelings of humiliation and shame, and apt to self-blame. They have learned to take responsibility for the narcissist’s behaviour because they are constantly told the problem is their fault. Some victims develop Stockholm Syndrome and want to support, defend, and love the abuser despite what they have gone through.
Victims tend to ‘dissociate’ or detach from their emotions, body, or surroundings. Living in a war zone where all forms of power and control are used against you (intimidation; emotional, physical and mental abuse; isolation, economic abuse, sexual abuse, coercion, control etc), the threat of abuse is always present. Dissociation is an automatic coping mechanism against overwhelming stress.
Victims are often victimized by more than one person. They often internalize that something is wrong with them, that they deserve this kind of abuse, and then resign themselves to their fate. Victims may not have reached their potential in their personal or professional lives because they always have to stand in the shadow of their aggressor, and not upstage them. They learn to live in the shadows without knowing why.
Victims of narcissistic abuse often appear uncertain of themselves, constantly seeking clarification that they haven’t made a mistake or misheard something. Confidence may be so low that they have trouble making simple decisions. They will not be aware that this is caused by an abusive technique called ‘gaslighting’. Gaslighting is a technique of psychological abuse used by narcissists to instil confusion and anxiety in their victim to the point where they no longer trust their own memory, perception or judgment. With gaslighting, the victim initially notices that something happens that is odd, but they don’t believe it. This moves to defence as the victim fights against the manipulation. Confusion sets in after incessant comments such as: ‘You’re too sensitive’, ‘You’re crazy’, ‘You’re imagining things’ or ‘I never said that.’ Gradually, the victim cannot trust their own perceptions and doubt themselves. This often leads to depression. Broken and unable to trust themselves, they isolate themselves further. The victim now doubts everything about themselves, their thoughts and opinions, their ideas and ideals. They become co-dependent on the abuser for their reality.
Victims need validation and education about what has happened to them. They need information about the medical condition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and its toxicity in relationships. They need education about how they have contributed to their situation through co-dependence. They need therapy to deal with symptoms. They will need support to remove themselves from their narcissistic relationship, and to not repeat the cycle of abuse in their next relationship. One of their greatest challenges may come from not being believed by significant others, either because these others have not seen the private face of the narcissist or because they themselves are in the narcissist’s thrall.
August 26th, 2012 — apps, Author Fears, children's apps, Digital, digital media, education apps, future of story. future of books, News, SCBWI Conference Sydney 2012, The Publishing Industry, transmedia, Writer Survival
In a small but majorly significant way I’ve turned the Titanic around and have caught a small current. At the SCBWI Sydney conference I went to Karen Robertson’s talk and she mentioned an app developer looking for writers. I contacted them and have been working on 3 education apps with them. It is truly lovely to find a digital publishing house who judge me for my work, not for my age, gender, sales figures etc etc. I feel as excited when I had my very first ms accepted by Macmillan Education 13 years ago!
And it is incredibly wonderful to be ahead of many in the writing game, not trailing so far behind that I felt I no longer belonged. I still feel I don’t belong but I don’t care any more. Now, I can at least say that I will have something coming out next year. Between the ebooks, the apps and the transmedia novel I feel I truly can call myself a digital storyteller
August 2nd, 2012 — 2012, Digital, Events, Narcissism, News, NPD, The Publishing Industry, Writer Survival, Writing, Writing in the 21st Century
I have been in the beautiful city of Adelaide for the first half of a one month literary fellowship. The members of the board of the May Gibbs Children’s Literature Trust have gone above and beyond to welcome and support me. Thank you!
I arrived in Adelaide somewhat shaken as the day before my departure an unknown man in the street had held a dog’s choker chain up to my face telling me he’d like to strangle me to death. This happened one block from my home and has left one legacy that I won’t walk the streets of Adelaide at night.
After living in a household of 6 -7 people, two dogs, and with ailing parents up the road, living alone has been a novelty. I’m not sure if it’s how I’d chose to live long term, but for this brief short moment I’m reveling in it. I can’t remember the last time I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, however I wanted, for such a sustained period of time.
On the first night here I made a Wish List and am delighted to have ticked all the boxes. In two short weeks this is what I’ve achieved:
1) Five days as Author-in-Residence at Scotch College.
2) Read 4 YA novels as part of my judging duties for the NSW Premier’s Literature Award.
3) Researched how to write children’s Apps.
4) Wrote and re-drafted two Apps. Working titles ‘The Rainbow Surprise’ and ‘Shape Explorers’.
5) Researched Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
6) Wrote the introduction for a longform non-fiction piece on NPD for an upper young adult audience.
7) Attended AVCON – Adelaide Anime and Video Games Conference.
8) Visited the museum to view The Waterhouse Natural History Art Prize.
9) Wandered the Botanical Gardens.
10) Met the delightful author and librarian, Sascha Hutchinson, of Unley Library.
11) Given a brief driving tour of the city by Mary Wilson and her lovely husband.
12) Discussed children’s literature with Elizabeth Hutchins.
13) Had several discussions with the lovely and talented performer and May Gibbs organisor, Sally Chance.
14) Went for a brisk walk every day.
Needless to say, I’m delighted with the fellowship so far and eagerly await, Part 2 when I return in September!